Dear Sadie, Today You're 8.

 To my Sadie June Bug - 

We celebrated you all weekend long, which is easy to do, because you're YOU.  We had your grandparents over for lunch today and all went around the table sharing what we love about you....

And the first thing that came to my mind was how you've always been a BRIGHT LIGHT in our lives, since the moment you were born 8 short years ago.

You've always had the biggest eyes & biggest heart. 

This year, you were the first Xenos girl to win Super Citizen at your school & the award you one was all about being a great friend.  You go out of your way to make sure everyone knows they are loved by you.  

You never leave anyone out, including your little sister who drives you crazy some days.

You always put others first...and sometimes, I worry that you forget about your needs. 

Over the past 6 months, you've been more expressive than ever before and it's not always been the happy stuff we're used to with our Sadie girl.

But I know this is just you finally finding your voice after all these years.  

Growing up with a big sister AND a little sister, I'm sure you sometimes feel lost in the middle (literally).

But I hope you always know that Dad and I always SEE and ADORE YOU.

On your good days and your more challenging days.

You get hot quickly, but you calm down just as quickly.  You always say you're sorry when you say things that are unkind without me prompting you.

That's what shows me that my mommy heart doesn't need to worry about you & your big feelings you've been navigating lately.

I know you'll work thru this phase because you've always been wise beyond your years.

I love your sweet smile with your missing front tooth.

I love your sense of style including always having your lipstick on point! 

I love how you play with your little sister because you know it means the world to her.

I love how you fiercely defend Lara, even when it's to the (much) bigger bullies on the bus.  You have no fear and I hope you never lose that!  

I am so, so proud to be your mom and I'm thankful every single day that he gave me YOU.

I love you, little chicken nugget.  Always and forever!

I was so excited to have a December baby, so as a sweet gift, your dad gave me a snowglobe with a picture of me kissing your tiny, newborn nose.  On it's engraved, " If kisses were snowflakes, I'd give you a blizzard."  

Sweet girl, I'll give you blizzards of kisses as long as you'll let me. 

Love you, baby!!

Love, Mom

Dear Lara, Today You're 9.

I keep thinking these years will slow down, but here we are....your last year in single digits. This evening, as we kept our tradition alive of doing a mini birthday photoshoot, I kept looking at you thinking how beautiful you are.  Your little freckles....your blue eyes, your smirky little grin you make when I embarrass you. You're a little stunner and you're dads terrified. 

But I'm not.  

You're beautiful, but you're so much more than that.  What I'm most proud of is how confident you are, even when it nearly breaks me. 

Literally. 

I know YOU know how incredible God made you and that to me is the thing I'm most proud of as your mom. 

Your strong will is something I wasn't expecting.  You're our first child, so as your parents, we're learning each new phase of parenting right alongside you. 

And at times, you give us a run for our money. But we wouldn't have it any other way.

Most people still see you as the shy one...the quieter, more subdued one of the three Xenos girls. Which always makes your dad and I laugh. In actuality, you are full of passion about the things you care about. 

God. Your sisters. Sports. Acro.  

Lately we've noticed how you seem to think you can outsmart us. Sometimes I let you think it, but most of the time I have to remind you that I am and always will have years of wisdom on you. I know someday you'll grow to respect that, just as I learned with my own Mom. 

You're starting to get embarrassed by Dad & I's crazy antics....wait, you've always been like that. Which makes us want to do it even more. You're welcome. 

My wish for you as you enter your THIRD GRADE year is that you learn to embrace your emotions and not be embarrassed by them.  You're learning to navigate friendships & the beauty AND challenges that come with them.  

I hope you continue to run after God and learn more about what is means to have an awesome Father in heaven that adores you, even when you mess up.  Baby, we're all messed up.  And he loves us anyway. 

I hope you continue to love your little sisters with that big heart of yours.  Lately, you've shared with me how hard it is to be the oldest.....

With great responsibility comes great reward.  Your little sisters have the BEST big sister in the whole world and while they may not be able to express that right now, they show it by wanting to be JUST LIKE YOU. 

And I don't blame them.  You're one cool kid and there's not a day that goes by that Dad and I aren't so darn grateful that we get to be your parents. 

We love you, our beautiful, intelligent daughter. SO, SO much.

XO, 

Mom & Dad

Dear Sadie, Today You're 6.

 Oh my sweet Sadie June.  I'm not sure who's having a harder time with you turning 6....

Me or you. 

Over the past month, you've realized you're no longer a "baby," and you seem quite surprised by that. Your little sister is 2, and I'm not sure if it's just now setting in that SHE'S the baby in the house and to be honest, I know that's been hard on you lately...

About the time you turned 3, we realized you had an affinity for chicken nuggets.  In fact, you still do.  I started calling you my little chicken nugget and the name just stuck.  Earlier this week, you asked me if you could always be my "little chicken nugget."  I wonder if you'll ask me that same question when you turn 16...? ;) 

You found an old photo book from our very first trip to Branson at Christmastime.  I believe it was when you were around 4.  You brought the book upstairs and asked if we could talk privately.  That's what you girls say when you're needing some mommy time.  You showed me a picture of you and I snuggling, riding on a horse drawn carriage.  You pointed to the picture and with big, puppy dog eyes, you said to me, "I'm not a baby anymore.  I'm not your little chicken nugget."  

I have to admit, while it pulled at my heart strings, I also chuckled to myself because I secretly love that you want to be mommy's little girl for a little while longer. 

And listen, I'm 100% ok with that.  You got a deal, kid. 

You have always been the sweetest soul, the calm to the chaos, the jokester.  You love to laugh and I just ADORE that about you!  You think burping and farting are the most hilarious things in the world and for some reason, you refuse to flush the toilet, much to our dismay.  We've told you a million times - SADIE!! Flush the toilet!! And you just won't do it.  

I can't figure out if it's because you don't like the sound, or your laziness.  Probably the latter.  ;) 

While you aren't the cleanest of kids (you leave a path of destruction and clothes just about everywhere you walk), your wit and spirit ALL but makes up for it. 

But you know what I love most about you, my Sadie girl?  Your generous spirit!! It's amazing to me how a a 6 year old can be so tremendously giving - heck, you'd give the shirt off your back to your sister, to us, to your friend.  

While your allowance is a few quarters here and there, you save those quarters up just waiting for the chance to share them with someone in need.  The other day, you wanted doughnuts before school.  Heck, everyday you want doughnuts!  I told you we couldn't get doughnuts two days in a row, but that if you wanted to spend your own money, I'd take you.  

You ran to find your wallet and immediately began counting your quarters.  You wanted to make extra sure you had enough to buy Lara a doughnut, too. 

You find so much more joy in GIVING to others and that, my sweet little girl, is a GIFT.  YOU ARE A GIFT. 

While you've been sassier than normal lately, I have a sense that because things have been calmer around the house, you finally feel the space you need to release some of your new, big emotions you're feeling since starting kindergarten...  

Speaking of kindergarten - your teacher told us at parent teacher conferences a few weeks ago, what a mother hen you are around class.  You CARE so much about others and always make sure everyones getting along. That's usually the role you play around the house, so no surprise there! ;) 

While I could go on and on and on about how adored you are, Sadie girl, I'll close with this: whether you're turning 6 or 60, you'll always be my little chicken nugget. 

XO, 

Mom & Dad

Dear Lainey, today you're 2

I normally write these letters the night BEFORE your birthday....but last night, I was too emotional to conjure up words to express how much I love you, Lainey Rose.  

As I was rocking you to sleep last night you let me sing you "the song."  While you're quite demanding with your night night songs (usually a mix between row row & twinkle twinkle), you must've sensed I needed to sing "the song," because you didn't once stop me. Trust me, that's unusual for you. 

The song I've sang more times than I can count.  The song I danced to at my wedding with your Grandma.  The song I've been singing you girls to sleep with for 8 years and counting.  

The Best Day. The song is written from a daughter's perspective on growing up, a song she wrote for HER mom. 

"There is a video I found from back when I was 3.  You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me. It's the age of princesses and pirate ships & the seven seas....  Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world."

"Now I know why, all the trees change in the fall.  I know you were on my side, even when I was wrong.  And I love you, for giving me your eyes.  Standing back and watching me shine.  I didn't know if you knew....but I'm taking this chance to say, I had the best day....with you....today." 

As I sang the words, I thought about how fast you're growing up. How fast the past 2 years have gone.  I thought about your giggles, your sweet voice, your head strong spirit, your grin, your sweet little pigtails. 

I thought about everything YOU ARE.  My last baby.  My bookend on her last night being ONE.  And I cried....

I PRAY that when you grow up, you look back on these years & see those same videos and feel how LOVED you are. 

It's a strange dichotomy, being a mom. You love seeing your baby grow up, learn to eat, learn to walk, learn to run. But your heart literally aches at the same time.  

I swear you came out smiling, Lainey Rose.  Everyone that meets you instantly falls in love with your coyness, your silly spirit, your big blue eyes.

But out of everyone in the world, your sisters are your favorite people, your BEST friends.  When you walk into a room, you're looking for Lara & Sadie before anyone else and I hope it always stays that way. 

Your big sisters love you more than anything in the world, even though you boss them around day in, day out.  You demand they play with you by reaching out your hand saying, "PAY." While you love watching Bernard or Blippi, you also demand someone sits by you, patting the couch and yelling "SIT" to whoever's walking by.  

Spoiler. we all sit. You run this house & you know it.

Everyday you're saying new things & while most of the time I use Lara as your interpreter, I'm getting better at deciphering the Lainey Rose dialect. We'll say, "Lainey, come here," and if you're in the mood to join, you'll say, "Ooootay." 

At night, you demand a pretty regimented process and secretly, I love it.  Once your jammies are on, you'll say "Rock you," which means sit your butt down and rock me NOW. You ask for your washies over and over again until you have at least 3, then a few minutes later, you want in your bed. We kiss your plump little cheeks, lay you down, you roll over and get tucked in with your blanket or as you call it, "banket."

Then, in the sweetest little voice you start saying, "Lovesssss you." 

Over and over and over again, long after we've closed your door. In fact, some nights you'll yell it at us thru the door until you get a response. 

The ending to yet another "best day" with our Lainey Rose. 

My sweet baby, I hope you always know how much we 'lovesssss YOU.'

XOXO,

Mom & Dad

Dear Lara, today you're 8.

Where to begin?  Tonight we sat around on the couch talking about the night before you were born, 8 years ago.  It's funny, because as I told the story, all the details came RIGHT back to me as if it happened yesterday...

I remember being absolutely terrified to have a c-section, but with your stubbornness, it was the only safe way to bring you into the world being that you were breech.

Little did I know, that stubbornness would exacerbate over the years to come. 😂 

I can't pretend like it's been easy being your Mom, because it hasn't. You have challenged me EVERY single step of the way, and I'm sure your teenage years will prove to be equally as tough.

BUT, you have taught me more in the past 8 years than I could've learned in a lifetime without a daughter like you.  

However, over the past year you've grown into a softer Lara.  A more loving & empathetic little girl, with a stubborn streak that you're slowly learning to reign. 

You love animals more than most humans and with how society has behaved the last couple of years, I don't blame you. You adore your baby sister, even when she swats you in the face and leaves a bloody scratch above your left eye.  A scratch that's turned into the ever so slight scar you'll likely carry for a lifetime.  You adore that little girl anyway. 

You and Sadie have your spats, but deep down, I know you love her light hearted spirit.  She brings out a child like side of you that most people don't get to see.  Sometimes, when you get home from a day away, you'll both disappear downstairs and play together quietly for an hour or more in your book nook turned Xenos Horse Ranch. 😁

I joke with friends & family that you truly are a better parent than I, and while I laugh it off, deep down I know it's kind of true. You're always watching things unfold around you with an eagle like eye.  Waiting for someone to screw up. Today, Lainey grabbed an antibacterial cleaning spray and had it in her mouth...by the time I realized what was happening, you'd already yanked it out of her hand, shocked that I would put her in danger like that. 😂

While we're polar opposites in most ways, you're the little ying to my yang.  I love our 1:1 time more than you'll ever know.  You open up and talk your little heart out and I get to see how much you're growing into a little lady right before my eyes. You have zero interest in boys and would prefer to grow old with your massive collection of stuffed animals.  You display them every so precise in your bed, ensuring you leave just enough space for you to sleep. You're doing cartwheels and back walkovers everywhere you go, constantly flipping around, more than you actually walk.  

Over this next year, I pray you grow in confidence.  Confidence in who God created YOU to be, Lara Anne. You are strong and stubborn, sure, but you are also full of SO much love & empathy.  I want you to be confident enough to have strength but ALSO show the side of you that's humble & kind.

I know people say their wish is for their daughter to be a "world changer," but I don't.  I already KNOW you're a world changer.  My wish is that God gives your Dad & I the strength to survive parenthood so we can witness the difference you, my girl, will make in this crazy world. 

But seriously, can you go easy on us this next year?

XO,

Mom & Dad 

Dear Sadie, today you're four.

I'd like to say it's a shock that we're here.  That we're celebrating you turning FOUR, but baby girl, you have brought so much light and joy to our lives that'd it'd be impossible to say we haven't loved every single year of your little life. 

Our little makeup queen.

But boy, what a year this has been for you, our sweet Sadie June-bug. We've watched you morph into a little girl and as much as I fight it, I just can't seem to make you stop growing. We talk about this often and you adamantly explain that you HAVE to get bigger. Yesterday when I picked you up from school, you asked me how much you'd grow overnight...because after all, today is your birthday.  

But, I'd be lying if we still don't witness your toddler-esque tantrums from time to time...and when you throw them, it's go big or go home.  You do everything in life FULL of passion.

 

This past Christmas, you finally decided you'd become friends with Santa. I was kind of surprised it took as long as it did because you befriend just about everyone you meet. 

You say the funniest things, and always when we're least expecting it.  The other day, Lara was throwing a fit about something and you looked at me and said, "Mom, she's just living her life. She's just living her life, mom." 

You seem to understand your big sister better than most.  Even though you're complete opposites, you girls are BEST friends.  I can't wait to see what spice Lainey Rose brings to the mix!

You became a big sister a month ago and every time we call you a "big sister," you calmly explain you're not a big sister, you're a MIDDLE sister.  You're proud of that title, "Middle Sister."  

You carry your "piggy" and "washie" everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  You got this little stuffed piggy at a zoo in North Carolina over a year ago and since then, you've slept with this little piggy every single night. 

Now that Lainey is here and has her own set of washies, I put you in charge of picking out which washie she uses everyday. It's basically a job that was made for you.  You keep them folded in her closet and are truly the "keeper of the washies" around this house. 

You started swimming underwater this past summer, but let's be real.  That actually consisted with you wearing goggles the size of your head and you sticking your face just below the surface for 0.5 seconds only to whip it right out, take a HUGE, deep breath and then do it again....for 0.5 seconds. It was the cutest thing to watch because you were just SO proud of yourself! 

You've always marched to the beat of your own drum, my girl.  And owned every bit of it.  That's what I adore about you the most - your undeniable confidence.  You do you and if someone doesn't like it, you move on.  

Your confidence.  It always amazes me.  This past spring while in Colorado, there was this MASSIVE tubing hill and you hopped on my lap and giggled the ENTIRE way down!  I was secretly terrified because we were flying down this hill at nearly 60 mph and I had my 3 year old on my lap - what mom does that?!?  But you were unphased.  I'll never forget that moment.  Your big sister went down once and was SO mad because it terrified her so much, that she refused to go back down.  Your dad, well he didn't even get on a tube!  

I hope you use your fearlessness to conquer the world, my girl. 

                      

Even the doctor doesn't scare you.  You know you get a sucker and a sticker at the end of each appt, so if it were up to you, you'd go see the doc everyday. 

You have the biggest sweet tooth of the entire family.  I'm convinced you'd live on donuts and smarties if we'd let you. 

Now, you're also the laziest child of our crew and you own that more than I wish you would - haha!  You still wear pull ups at night (because you REFUSE to sleep in panties because that'd require you to get out of bed and go pee in the toilet in the middle of the night).  

I'll probably still be buckling your seatbelt when you're 10 because that requires effort.  You LOVE being taken care of - sometimes a little too much.  I've always called you "my baby," and I think you've taken that to heart and have no intent of letting that title go anytime soon.

You and I have been kindred spirits since you were born because we're basically the same person.  I get you more than I may ever get your sisters...but I also know that will prove challenging for us as you grow up.  

We'll probably fight hard, but Sadie Boo, I hope you know I'll always love you harder. 

You have this wisdom about you that always surprises your dad and I because 99% of the time, you're FULL of silliness.  You love the word poop and say it just about any chance you get so you can then giggle hysterically. 

But then other times, you have the capability to sense pain in others and do everything you can to ease that pain.  When Mommy gets mad about something you've done, within seconds you want to hug it out.  

You love to hug all of us, even little Staggie boy.  What's funny is that it took you a few weeks to warm up to Stag, but ever since, he's been your little buddy.  You adore him and he lets you love all over him all the time - even when it turns to tormenting. 

You pucker up that bottom lip of yours and say "sorry, momma," with those big puppy dog eyes. I mean, you've made it nearly impossible for Dad or I to ever stay mad at you.  

While you love your big sister more than anyone in the world, you're also totally content just chilling by yourself. In fact, you seem to savor the quietness of the house when she's gone and you could just play for hours on end without saying a peep.  

In the weeks since we've brought your little sister home from the hospital, I've watched you become so nurturing, especially to your big teddy bear that's half the size you are.  You bring her into Lainey's nursery and pull out your little sisters blankets.  You make a pallet on the floor for teddy and gently cover her up.  

I then watch you sssshhh her while softly patting her back, but not before reading to her.  You LOVE to read!  You pull out every book from Lainey's bookshelf and make up story after story.  Lately, it's your favorite thing to do and secretly, it's my favorite thing to watch.  

I adore your spirit, my daughter.  In fact, I adore everything about you.  I know that God sent you to OUR family so that we'd always have a dose of joy on even the hardest days.  Your smile, your laughter, your innocence, your feistiness, ALL of you has been one of our GREATEST gifts.  

Sadie June, I'm so blessed that you call me MOM.  

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always.  As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Dear Lara, today you're 6.

 Last night, when we put you to bed and explained you'd be waking up a 6 year old you said, "Mom, I'm just so excited...I don't know how I'm going to fall asleep!"

To most, they'd assume it's because of the big party we'll have in a few hours, or all hte fun presents.  But to you, it's honestly because you're just plain darn happy to be getting OLDER.  You've always been our little wise one, wise beyond your years.  You're shy, you take your time with people & new situations. You listen (when you want to!), and you analyze peoples emotions like no other child I've ever known. 

You want to GROW UP so badly, and sometimes I feel ready....primarily when you're having a melt down in bed because you're "burrito" gets messed up.  I feel the need to explain, because when we look back at this note in 20 years, I'm not sure we'll know what I'm referencing.

See, you started this thing where you like to be tucked in SUPER hard, like every ounce of cover has to be pushed up under your little body like a little cocoon. And if it comes undone in the slightest, all hell breaks loose in our house.

And GOD forbid Daddy fix the burrito, is HAS to be mommy. 

I know we'll laugh about these things someday, but those nights where you start screaming at us downstairs because you need to be re-wrapped in your burrito, I'm nowhere near laughing. ;) 

Your dad and I were talking last night about you turning 6 today, and unlike other years where I don't feel ready, I do this year.  I'm ready for you to come into your own as a little girl & continue maturing into the wise young woman God's made you to be.

This year is a BIG, big year for you, my sweet girl.  You start Kindergarten in a week and become a big sister AGAIN, in November.  So far, you seem to be embracing all the "newness" coming your way, which is something you didn't always welcome.

It shows me how much you're growing up each month that passes.  You're becoming more confident, too.  We just got back from a vacation and you made two new little girlfriends during our time on the beach.  

A couple of years ago, you'd have been too painfully shy to talk to another little girl your age...

You continue to love your little sister with ALL your heart and it makes mine want to burst out of my chest.  Don't get me wrong, y'all fight from time to time and you're little gunslingers, you two.  You hold nothing back.  

But I never worry about your bond because you fight hard and love harder, and as long as that's the case, your dad and I have done our job. 

I have a feeling things will be no different with this new little one joins our family this fall...

My daughter, sometimes when I look at you, your beauty takes my breath away.  I was just talking to Grandma about how I remember her saying that to me when I was a little girl, never understanding the depth of what she meant.

Well, when I look at you, I now know.  

You made me a momma and boy have we learned SO MUCH together these past 6 years. Thank you for showing me patience & grace as you'll aways be the kid we're "learning on," paving the way for your little sisters. 

Lara Anne, our love for you is BIGGER than you'll ever know. 

XO,

Mom 

To My Preschool Graduate!

I saw your preschool graduation pictures and nearly choked.  Wait, say what?!

 

While I'm super freaked out about you starting Kindergarten, a part of me has felt peace about it lately...

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant with your littlest sister, but you are just such a little grown up to me. And to be honest, you've always kind of been that way.

You talk eloquently, you feel deeply and you are mature beyond your years (most of the time).  Like last weekend when you threw yourself on the ground at Walmart because I only let you pick out one pack of stickers.

But those moments, while still so challenging to manage as your mother, are becoming fewer and farther between.

You listen intently and seem to learn a million new things every single day. You ask deep questions on the reg, and I've finally resorted to just telling you that I have no freaking idea how to answer some of them.

Or, I tell you to ask your dad.  Let's be real, that's my go to for LIFE. You already believe your daddy knows EVERYTHING, so I'll leave the tough stuff to him.

Every evening when we put you and Sadie to bed for "quiet time," you color a million pictures.  When Dad & I come to bed a few hours later, we find our bed untucked, and decorated with all your favorite stuffed animals. You leave your adorable pictures with sweet notes on each, all across our bed.

When you were asked by your preschool teacher awhile back what you wanted to be when you grew up, you said, "I want to be a mommy."

All the tears.  All the yelling. All the time outs. All the frustration.  All the love. All the admiration.  All the smiles.  All the laughter.

It's all worth it, daughter.

When I learned you were a girl, you made all my dreams come true.  My wish for you, sweet girl, is that someday you have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU.  A little girl who sheds tears nearly every time you drop her off somewhere because she hurts deeply to be too far from you.  A little girl who gives the BEST hugs.  A little girl who asks you to "wrap her up like a burrito" every night at bedtime and when you say to her, "Goodnight burrito."

She'll say back, "Goodnight taco."

I love you to the moon and back, my little preschool graduate.  I'm already SO proud of all that you'll become.  You're going to conquer this whole world, and love people fiercely while you do it.

XOXO,
Mom

Dear Lara, today you're 5.

Well, here we are again.  You see, I have a love hate relationship with time.  I'm sure we all do.  We beg it to speed up when we're waiting for something exciting, and then plead with it to slow down when we're smacked in the face with milestones we're not quite ready to accept.

Like my little 6 lb baby who was too small for newborn clothes, turning 5.  Like, wait, she was just born yesterday?!

F.I.V.E.  It feels so big to me...

I know there are mom's reading this, silently laughing because you just sent your daughter off to college and here I am whining about my baby turning 5.  Trust me, I get it.  I'm sure I'll laugh at all the preschool moms, too, someday.

But today is not that day.

Lara, raising you has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced and at the same time, the thing I'm most proud of in this world.

You feel things so big, daughter.  SO, so big.  From your little sister wearing your dirt stained, purple flip flops, to seeing a microscopic insect 700 yards away, to being told it's time for bed.  To you, these things are the end of the world. The things that upset you these days, you feel them deep within your soul and have the tears to show for it.

But what that also means, is that you love SO, so big.  When we found out the Lord was blessing us with another baby girl, we weren't sure how you'd take it.  But turns out, you may be a better mom to Sadie than I am.  You love your baby sister with your whole heart, and watching you two together is my greatest joy.  My GREATEST joy!

I often hear you talking to her in the morning, convincing her to let you pick out her outfit.  And like any good little sister, she always obliges. You put her in a frilly dress, just like you.  You then patiently help her put on her shoes, buckling them for her because her little fingers still can't maneuver the tiny buckles, and then you proudly bring her into our room to show her off.

She is your real life baby doll, and thankfully Sadie loves every second of it, too.  She looks up to you more than you'll ever know.  She loves being in your room, watching you at your big girl vanity brushing your hair.  I'll never forget the morning you fixed her hair for her so it would look just like yours.  That picture will forever be engrained in my heart because I was so proud of you. You welcome her adoration instead of letting it annoy the hell out of you.  Daughter, at times you are wise beyond your years.

You have become so perceptive, watching and observing your surroundings along with listening to every single word that comes out of your father and I's mouth.  Whether we want you to listen or not, YOU ARE.  And man, it makes you HOT when we spell things in front of you.  Remember when I said you feel things "so big," well, us spelling words in front of you ticks your little heart off.  You always want to be in the know and it frustrates you to no end that you can't quite figure out what we're spelling.

My favorite time with you is when you're in a talkative mood, spilling all your secrets you store in your great, big imagination.  Some of my favorite moments are laying next to you in bed while you tell me all about what's going on at school, with your friends, and lately....with your boyfriends.

Yeah, boyfriends. Like, when did that start?

The other day you told me you were going to marry Tucker, the new boy at your school.  Now, whether you've talked to Tucker about this or not, that's still up in the air.  But you could care less, which I adore about you.  You know what you want, and that's that.

The outside world sees you as a timid little girl because it takes you awhile to warm up to people, the complete opposite of myself.  I warm up too easily, which has resulted in my heart being hurt when the person turns out to be not what I expected.  But you, you're a slow burn.  You make people earn your trust and I admire that about you.

You challenge me everyday to see the world differently.  You've taught me patience.  And most of all daughter, you've allowed me to feel a love so deep it knocks the breath out of me at times. I feel it when I look at you and watch the little girl you're becoming right before my eyes.

When I was a little girl, my mom (your grandma!) wrote me a note that I still carry in my wallet today.

"Dear Annie,

I hug you in my heart & pray your journey is peaceful as you go. 

You have to be the greatest daughter any mom could have! 

You truly are my sunshine!

Love you beautiful,

Mom"

To my Lara, my beautiful girl, I pray the same for you.  I will hug you in my heart all the days of my life. Happy 5th birthday, baby!

XOXO,
Mom