Friday, October 31, 2014

New look, same gal.

First & foremost, Happy Halloween!

 I have to say, I'm SO excited to celebrate our first holiday with our little miss.  Yes, I realize she's only 11 weeks old and has absolutely no idea why we are sticking her in pumpkins & dressing her up in crazy outfits, but there's just something about the holiday spirit that becomes totally amped up when you have a little one to share it with.

Moving on....

Let's just say I now fully understand why people pay web designers to redesign their blogs. 
 If I wasn't on maternity leave, and didn't have an inordinate amount of time to spend on projects like this, this whole blog redesign would NOT have happened.
But, here we are 2 bottles of wine later, we have ourselves a new look around here! 
And for the record, I didn't drink both bottles. There may have been some spillage.
Pun intended...get it?
"I Spilled My Wine?"  
Stick with me here people.
I decided to say farewell to the 'ol "Hell on Heels" and welcome a new name that better represents my life these days. 
Baby bottles, high heels and wine. 
I'll be wrapping up my maternity leave in another 3 weeks, so it'll soon be time to say adios to Nike flip flops & yoga pants and hello to heels & pencil skirts. 
I'm not sure what life will be like or let alone feel like when I make the big return, but what I do know is that what I'll look forward to the most is getting home to my sweet baby girl, my husband and a nice glass of wine. 
That will never change.

If you'd like to follow along with ISMW via social media...


Saturday, October 25, 2014

Lara Anne || 10 Weeks in Review

How is our sweet little 6lb, 16 inch long nugget already 2.5 months old? 
The saying is totally true, "time flies when you're having fun."
Jon and I were laughing last night at our new reality. 
Picture this: it was a Friday night. We had planned to go grab a couple beers at a bar to watch the World Series but ended up sitting on our couch with our TV trays (Apparently we're the only 30 year olds that use TV trays. Don't judge us), a few open bottles of bud light sitting atop both of them, a dirty diaper on one, cheap pizza & our sweet little crying baby in her swing a few feet away. 
Honestly, it was one of the best Friday nights we can remember.
It's been a wild ride these past couple months, but a ride we were ready to jump on.
I was talking to this woman the other day and she was telling me that she and her husband after 10 years of marriage, just never got around to the baby thing and they are totally ok with that. 
They love their life they way it is and wouldn't change a thing.
 For me, I have always wanted to become a Mom.  I have an amazing mother who I love and adore more than anything in the world.  My goal has always been to become the kind of mom I have.
And I'm giving it my best shot everyday. 

For mother's day, she got me this amazing frame and it's one I'll treasure forever
"Great women raise great women who raise great women"
When Lara smiles up at me, it gives me a sense of accomplishment I've NEVER felt before.
From a young age, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I'd always say, "A CEO."
My career is, and always will be important to me.  I'm proud of where I am in my professional life however I am a million times more proud of my little girl.
I'm proud of what Jon and I have created.
More importantly, I'm proud that we've made it 10 weeks and kept her alive.
That's no easy feat, in fact, I'm still a little surprised.

Let's do a  quick recap of the past 10 weeks in photos! 


Lara Stats
Weight: Last week she weighed in at a whopping 10lbs 11oz!
 Height:  21.25  inches
 Her hair is turning lighter everyday!  Lately it appears to have a reddish tint to it which is fun.
  Her eyes are still blue and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the pretty blue sticks around!
  Mommy packed up all the newborn clothes last week, officially in 0-3 months!
How is she sleeping?
  Usually naps 3-4 times a day for a couple hours at a time.  At night she is going to bed around 9:30-10:00 and most of the time, sleeps until around 6:30am.  There have been a few times where she wakes up around 5:00, but for the most part, 6:30 it is. 
This past week we finally let her sleep in her crib, and let me tell you, that was a hundred times harder on Mommy than it was on Lara.  If you follow me on IG or FB, you may have seen a post around her 4 week mark that stated, "I slept in my crib last night!" 
Well, truth be told, she slept in her swing INSIDE her crib. At the time, I thought we had conquered this big milestone, but looking back, I was out of my mind.
 Let me tell you a little story about how that worked out.
We were in a state of delirium one night and decided to place the swing inside her crib so her back could be elevated due to some congestion she was experiencing at the time.  Around 6:00 am, I looked at the baby monitor AND SHE WAS NOT IN HER CRIB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
We totally FREAKED OUT!!!!!!!!!  Screams were had, panic was felt.
We ran into her nursery and she had ROLLED OUT OF HER SWING ONTO HER CRIB MATTRESS.  I have never felt so defeated in my entire life.  What were we thinking!?!?
Needless to say, we never did that again and honestly, I've been too spooked to let her sleep in anything BUT her rock and play since.  I dubbed the experience "The Swing Incident."
This week I decided it was time to put the past in the past, take a deep breath & have faith that the crib isn't going to kill her
She's slept in her crib the past two nights.
Keyword, SHE HAS SLEPT. 
There hasn't been much sleep going on with Jon & I, but we're getting more relaxed with it.
Let's talk diapers.
 She's currently wearing a size 1, but rapidly approaching size 2. I'm trying to squeeze her into size one until I can get thru our last pack....but sister almost had a blow out yesterday, so we may be making the jump sooner versus later.  We use Target Brand Up&Up and LOVE them, however at night, they just cannot hold all the potty little miss puts out, so we use Pampers Baby Dry brand overnight. She wears the Pampers from about 9:30pm to 6:30am and no leakage!  I am not about to wake her up in the middle of the night to change her diaper, so I'm super thankful we found these.
Lara Loves....
Smiling! Sitting up in her Fisher Price froggie chair!  She loves sitting in general, especially on our lap while looking at the TV.  She still LOVES her swing, in fact we have one downstairs and one upstairs.  She's crazy about her big sister, she just stares at her trying to figure out what this tiny white ball of fur running around is.  She's starting to finally love her play mat! Honestly, she loves just about anything as long as it plays ridiculously cheesy music. I've been trying to play her some Miranda Lambert instead, but she insists on lullabies. 
You'd think she was a little baby or something. ;)
She also loves getting dressed in the morning, no lie.  It's like she knows that she is changing out of her PJ's into regular clothes.  She acts refreshed....or I could be just imagining it. 
 Either way, I'm going with it.
Lara Hates....
Bath time. I'm beginning to think she will NEVER enjoy it.  She does NOT like being cold, hence why the whole bath time gig is not to her enjoyment.  She also despises tummy time, which means Mommy despises tummy time even more.  She doesn't like being woken up from a nap. Sister gets cranky and I don't blame her.  So these days I let her sleep until she gets hungry, I don't force it.
Overall, we're feeling pretty accomplished that we have learned to cohabitate with this adorable little human being.  Life before Lara is starting to feel further and further away in the rear view mirror.
And I'm totally ok with that.

Friday, October 10, 2014

My Journey with the Baby Blues

And here we are, approaching my daughter's 8 week birthday.  If someone asked me to describe in 5 words or less, what these last 8 weeks have been like...I'd only use three. 
A beautiful blur.

Since I've been on maternity leave I've become a compulsive list maker.  I make lists of super important things like what to buy at Target, crafty to-do's I've found on Pinterest along with groceries needed. 
One thing that's been on "my list" since the beginning was to share my experience with the infamous baby blues.  If I'm being totally honest, I've been putting this off for weeks. I've needed this time to translate the emotions I felt those first weeks home into words that would be helpful and encouraging to other women out there.  However honesty isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it can scare the hell out of people.  My hope by sharing my story, full of honesty, is that I'll help another new mom not be scared in her tears.  

I remember when I was pregnant, I read any and all articles shared on Facebook that had anything remotely to do with pregnancy or becoming a mom.  There was one that discussed how a new mother felt about her colicky baby, the deep sensation of love she felt for that baby while also feeling extreme anguish and frustration because the baby cried CONSTANTLY.  This new mom spent many of those first few months in tears.  I remember calling my mom immediately after I finished reading.

 I was scared to death.

"Mom, is our baby going to just cry all day long?!?!  I can't do it! What the hell have I done?!"

Now, does my baby cry all day long?  No.  She's perfect, she mostly just whimpers when she needs something.  Rarely hysteric.  My experience has been totally different than the article I read.

  However, have I cried my eyes out many times?
Yes.  Absolutely.

But what I understand now, that I didn't understand while my sweet little baby was tucked quietly in my uterus, is that all the tears you shed are SO WORTH IT

And here's my story why.....

If you're anything like myself, when you found out you were going to have a baby, to prepare you immediately began strolling thru every store's baby section, cooing at all the adorable clothes and spent endless hours scouring Pinterest for cute nursery ideas.
Well, newsflash. 
It doesn't matter how damn cute your nursery is, prepare yourself because you're most likely going to cry your eyes out in there the first couple weeks your home from the hospital.
And sometimes, it's about absolutely nothing.
And that's totally NORMAL.
And totally OK.

I remember sitting in my little glider a couple days after we came home, giving Lara her bottle when all the sudden I just start crying.  A cry that quickly turned into a sob.

You know why?
Because I was literally so overcome with love for this new human being that I had no idea how to process the overwhelming feeling other than to cry.

And cry I did.

A few days later, I'm rocking Lara in her nursery when I come across this video on Facebook.
It was titled, "Mom's First Birthday."

I cried harder in those 3 minutes than I've cried in a very long time.
(And while I'm being totally honest, I have tears in my eyes now because I just watched it again.)

While I'm sitting there holding my new baby, crying like a fool, Jon walks in from mowing the lawn.  I told him he had to watch this video.
He was all hot and sweaty from just mowing so he says to me, 
"No, not right now."

I totally lose my shit and start 
yelling at him.

"I watch all your stupid videos of animals dancing and shit, you're going 
to watch this!!"

His eyes got really big.  He slowly walked across the room, sat down and watched the entire thing.

With the fear of God in his eyes.

Well folks, I officially had the baby blues. 
All the preparing I had done over the past 9 months did not prepare me for this. 
I was scared of myself.

Everyday I wondered, 
"What the hell is wrong with me?!"
"Was I ever going to feel like myself again?"

I loved this baby so much, I was so happy to finally have her in my arms,
but yet I couldn't stop crying.

I had heard of the "blues" but I thought it meant sadness.  I wasn't sad, I just felt like crying a lot
 Sometimes even tears of joy.

I'd cry it out, feel better.  
Then a couple hours later, same thing.

When my Mom left after spending those first couple weeks with me, I really lost it.
Full blown tears, like I wasn't ever going to see her again.

She lives 45 minutes away. 

At the time, I felt like everyone was getting back to their normal routine and I was just sitting at home, with this beautiful little human, trying to figure out what the hell to do with her.

According to the American Pregnancy Association 70-80% of women experience the blues.
If 8 out of 10 new moms are experiencing this, why aren't we all talking about it more?!?

Listen, I love sharing adorable 
pictures of my daughter.  

Pictures of her sleeping, pictures of her cuddled up on my chest, pictures of her in her swing, in her crib, sitting up in her glider, on the couch, in her car seat, in her stroller. 

You name it, I take pictures and I share them with all of you.

As much as I love sharing all the adorable moments, I think it's also equally as important that we all share the #reallife moments that motherhood 
blesses us with.

That's why I decided to open up about my experience with the blues.

After a couple weeks, I slowly began to feel like myself again.
Everyday that passed, I cried a little less and relaxed a little more.

As the weeks have passed, I'm beginning to understand my little girl and what she's trying to tell me.
Everyday I feel like I get a tiny bit better at this whole "mom" thing.

And there's nothing in life that makes me feel more successful than that.

If you happen to have the blues when you bring your little bundle of joy home, just relax and enjoy the ride.  Embrace your tears.  Let yourself feel all those emotions.  It's all a part of your journey.

If you're experience is anything like mine, the blues will pass and before you know it you'll become a diaper changin', spit up cleanin', bottle makin' pro, all while NOT crying, in no time. 

Motherhood is beautiful.  It's hilarious.  It's exhausting.  It's FUN. 
It's ever changing. 
It's life changing.  

And for me, it's the most badass journey I've ever embarked on.