Friday, December 1, 2017

A note to my Sadie June on her FIRST Birthday.

It seems like just yesterday your Dad and I were strolling the aisles of CVS, trying to kill time and calm nerves before heading to the hospital for my induction to have YOU.  It was November 30th, your due date.

We planned an evening at the Plaza full of wonderful food and a "stroll" thru the lights.  I'm not sure why I thought I was capable of "strolling" at this point in my pregnancy with you.  Hell, I had contemplated getting one of those motorized chairs the last few weeks of my pregnancy.

Since my pre planned stroll was most definitely not happening, CVS sounded like a good pit stop instead.  Dad stocked up on Oreos.  Me, well I picked myself up some chapstick.

That super soft, Baby Lips stuff Maybelline makes. Man, I loved that chapstick until your big sister pulled it out of the tube and smashed it a few days after you were born.





You have been the calm in our crazy this past year. 

You are so, so easy going unless someone tries to pry a toy of your liking from your fierce death grip you seem to have.  Unfortunately, your sister has attempted to do just that quite a few times over the past year.  But you, Sadie June, hold your own.  And I totally dig that about you. 

At the same time, you let her tackle you and tickle you endlessly.  The sound of you girls giggling is literally the best sound I've ever heard.

 I find myself fiercely protecting you due to your sweet demeanor, but then I witness one of your mini temper tantrums and realize you'll have no problem protecting yourself. 

I laugh at the fear I felt when learning you were a girl.  I thought it not possible to love another girl, but dang, I was so wrong. I love you endlessly.  You were everything I didn't know I needed. 

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You have brought so much joy to our lives, with those dimples and those two wittle teeth now poking thru your bottom gums. There is literally nothing cuter than your sweet little grin.



I thought your big sister would not adjust well to sharing her world with you, but quite the contrary.  Much to our surprise, she loves you more than she loves us! 



She calls you her chicken nugget. In fact, last week she sang happy birthday to you....instead of using your actual name, she plugged in the words, "happy birthday my chicken nugget," and I thought my heart was going to explode.




You are crazy about your dad, hell both of you girls are.... 



But you....you Sadie June, really love your mommy and you're not afraid to show it.  You scream bloody murder when I take one step out of your eyesight. 



But listen here, I'll take every last ounce of the love you have for me, because someday you'll run out the front door hollering bye to me as you hop in the car with a boy.

Your first love, perhaps. 

And my heart will ache out of fear knowing that no one will possibly take care of you the way I have.  It will feel as if my own heart has just skipped out the front door.  Someday, when you're a mom, you'll realize that your children walking around is like your very own heart walking around outside your chest, out in the great big world.

You girls carry my heart with you every moment of everyday.

When you hurt, I'll hurt deeper.  When you cry, I'll cry harder.  When you're happy, my joy will be even more bountiful. 






So like I said, for now, I'll soak up every last ounce of the love you have for me. I'll take the crocodile tears you shed when I walk out of the room.  Because someday, I won't be able to swoop you up in my arms and kiss your sweet, chunky cheeks coated in wet tears.

In an instant, all is right in your world again. But little did you know, the moment you were born, my precious Sadie June, you made everything right in my world

Happy FIRST Birthday to our precious chicken nugget.

XOXO,
Mom

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Play.

Well look at me.  Blogging twice in one week?!

I figured after the last post, I'd lighten it up a bit. 



When we bought our home a few years ago, one of the top things on my wishlist was a playroom near our living space.  I'm OCD about a few things, and toys laying around my living room is one of them. 

Yes, I've heard all the quotes about "letting them be little," and "embracing the fingerprints on the walls," as well as my favorite, "putting the laundry down, leaving the toys strewn all about and just play with your kids."




Toy chest made by Grandpa!

Well, listen here.  I'm a better mom when the chaos is contained. And my kids have clean panties.  So thanks for the advice, but I'll never be able to "embrace" stepping on play-doh or sharp blocks as I walk across my kitchen, or not doing laundry for more than a week. 

When it was just Lara, the thrown together playroom in the pictures below worked fine.  We had a massive TV cabinet where I stuffed away most of the junk and a toy chest.  As time went on, the TV cabinet became a catch all for toys we needed to get rid of, not for actually storing a television. 

So off it went, and off we went to Ikea. 

Playroom Before


For less than $300, we now have a playroom that mom and kids can enjoy because every toy is organized because every toy has a spot.  





I'll link some of my favorite items in the event you're looking to organize your play space this winter! 


  IKEA Dog Tail Hook


 IKEA Toy Trunk Storage
 IKEA Kids Toy Storage Trunk 

 IKEA Metal Wire Photo Hanger

 IKEA White Ledge Shelf 






Pandora Disney Music all day, every day on this nifty little Bluetooth speaker. 






The best gifts are homemade gifts!  Made for Lara by a dear friend for her first birthday

 



Thursday, November 16, 2017

November.

Oh, November.  I’ve been feeling all the feels these past few weeks as November is now upon us.
This time last year I was 38 weeks pregnant.  Our house was under a massive renovation, walking was nearly unbearable due to how physically uncomfortable I was and I was convinced I wasn’t going to love this baby as much as I loved my first as I hadn’t yet connected with her.

And then, I lost my job. 

I’ve been reminiscing a lot these days as Sadie’s first birthday quickly approaches.  I’m in awe that one short year ago, it seems like things were so dark

I’m reading this book and a recent chapter really struck a chord.  It’s discussing how much growth you have when thrown into situations that seem debilitating.  Those times where you’re forced to close chapters you don’t think you’re ready to close, and start new ones.  Moments where you’re forced to take new roads, maybe roads less traveled, and you’re freakin’ terrified.  Overwhelmed, perhaps.

It’s in those moments where life changing growth happens.

Let’s just say November was a month of growth for me…literally and figuratively. 

But looking back, I would do it all over again.

I would get pregnant when Lara was a mere 18 months old, when I was in the midst of dealing with postpartum anxiety I didn’t realize I had. I would do it all again in a heartbeat just to watch my two girls roll around, giggling on the living room floor together.  I remember vividly praying to God to allow us to become pregnant when he thought we were ready.  If it wasn’t meant to be for another few years, I was totally ok with that.  But sure enough, that pregnancy test was positive a few short weeks later and I freaked out. 



I panicked, really. 

Here I was in the throws of PP anxiety from my firstborn, pregnant again!!  But God always has better plans than ours, doesn’t he? 

Because of the anxiety, Jon and I would find ourselves at church a few short months later.  I remember crying those first few services we attended because I thought my brokenness would never heal.  Then a crazy thing happened.  We joined a small group, formed life changing friendships with others who were hurting, and slowly….a small glimmer of light began peeking thru the curtain that was drawn.



I would take on another house renovation because this winter, we won’t worry about our family being cold because our windows are so old.  I feel beyond blessed every time I walk into our home. 


Blessed to have a place to raise our family; a safe, warm place.  I would do it all over again…just maybe not at 9 months pregnant. 










I would lose my job all over again if I could.  While it was one of the most excruciating experiences of my life, man, I’d go thru it all over again. The day I received the news, I sat sobbing on my couch. Horrified and humiliated.  The feeling of failure in that moment felt insurmountable. 

Shortly after, God provided me professional opportunities I felt undeserving of, and still do at times.  One opportunity in particular felt so right, but so terrifying.  Not one to shy away from a good challenge, I dove in headfirst.  This past year, returning to work after two kids, would have been so much more grueling if I wasn’t doing something I believe so passionately in.  That’s God’s work right there.  I will forever be grateful for those that helped orchestrate where I am today.

Additionally, I was to be able to take an extra-long maternity leave with my new baby girl, my baby girl who I found myself so madly in love with.



Life is funny sometimes, isn’t it? If you find yourself in darkness, hang in there. You’ll see the sun again soon.  I promise.

And try not to follow my cue….like renovate your house, get knocked up and lose your job. 

Maybe just try some yoga instead.

And a glass of wine.

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