Dear Lara, today you're 6.

 Last night, when we put you to bed and explained you'd be waking up a 6 year old you said, "Mom, I'm just so excited...I don't know how I'm going to fall asleep!"

To most, they'd assume it's because of the big party we'll have in a few hours, or all hte fun presents.  But to you, it's honestly because you're just plain darn happy to be getting OLDER.  You've always been our little wise one, wise beyond your years.  You're shy, you take your time with people & new situations. You listen (when you want to!), and you analyze peoples emotions like no other child I've ever known. 

You want to GROW UP so badly, and sometimes I feel ready....primarily when you're having a melt down in bed because you're "burrito" gets messed up.  I feel the need to explain, because when we look back at this note in 20 years, I'm not sure we'll know what I'm referencing.

See, you started this thing where you like to be tucked in SUPER hard, like every ounce of cover has to be pushed up under your little body like a little cocoon. And if it comes undone in the slightest, all hell breaks loose in our house.

And GOD forbid Daddy fix the burrito, is HAS to be mommy. 

I know we'll laugh about these things someday, but those nights where you start screaming at us downstairs because you need to be re-wrapped in your burrito, I'm nowhere near laughing. ;) 

Your dad and I were talking last night about you turning 6 today, and unlike other years where I don't feel ready, I do this year.  I'm ready for you to come into your own as a little girl & continue maturing into the wise young woman God's made you to be.

This year is a BIG, big year for you, my sweet girl.  You start Kindergarten in a week and become a big sister AGAIN, in November.  So far, you seem to be embracing all the "newness" coming your way, which is something you didn't always welcome.

It shows me how much you're growing up each month that passes.  You're becoming more confident, too.  We just got back from a vacation and you made two new little girlfriends during our time on the beach.  

A couple of years ago, you'd have been too painfully shy to talk to another little girl your age...

You continue to love your little sister with ALL your heart and it makes mine want to burst out of my chest.  Don't get me wrong, y'all fight from time to time and you're little gunslingers, you two.  You hold nothing back.  

But I never worry about your bond because you fight hard and love harder, and as long as that's the case, your dad and I have done our job. 

I have a feeling things will be no different with this new little one joins our family this fall...

My daughter, sometimes when I look at you, your beauty takes my breath away.  I was just talking to Grandma about how I remember her saying that to me when I was a little girl, never understanding the depth of what she meant.

Well, when I look at you, I now know.  

You made me a momma and boy have we learned SO MUCH together these past 6 years. Thank you for showing me patience & grace as you'll aways be the kid we're "learning on," paving the way for your little sisters. 

Lara Anne, our love for you is BIGGER than you'll ever know. 

XO,

Mom 

To My Preschool Graduate!

I saw your preschool graduation pictures and nearly choked.  Wait, say what?!

 

While I'm super freaked out about you starting Kindergarten, a part of me has felt peace about it lately...

Maybe it's because I'm pregnant with your littlest sister, but you are just such a little grown up to me. And to be honest, you've always kind of been that way.

You talk eloquently, you feel deeply and you are mature beyond your years (most of the time).  Like last weekend when you threw yourself on the ground at Walmart because I only let you pick out one pack of stickers.

But those moments, while still so challenging to manage as your mother, are becoming fewer and farther between.

You listen intently and seem to learn a million new things every single day. You ask deep questions on the reg, and I've finally resorted to just telling you that I have no freaking idea how to answer some of them.

Or, I tell you to ask your dad.  Let's be real, that's my go to for LIFE. You already believe your daddy knows EVERYTHING, so I'll leave the tough stuff to him.

Every evening when we put you and Sadie to bed for "quiet time," you color a million pictures.  When Dad & I come to bed a few hours later, we find our bed untucked, and decorated with all your favorite stuffed animals. You leave your adorable pictures with sweet notes on each, all across our bed.

When you were asked by your preschool teacher awhile back what you wanted to be when you grew up, you said, "I want to be a mommy."

All the tears.  All the yelling. All the time outs. All the frustration.  All the love. All the admiration.  All the smiles.  All the laughter.

It's all worth it, daughter.

When I learned you were a girl, you made all my dreams come true.  My wish for you, sweet girl, is that someday you have a daughter JUST LIKE YOU.  A little girl who sheds tears nearly every time you drop her off somewhere because she hurts deeply to be too far from you.  A little girl who gives the BEST hugs.  A little girl who asks you to "wrap her up like a burrito" every night at bedtime and when you say to her, "Goodnight burrito."

She'll say back, "Goodnight taco."

I love you to the moon and back, my little preschool graduate.  I'm already SO proud of all that you'll become.  You're going to conquer this whole world, and love people fiercely while you do it.

XOXO,
Mom

Dear Lara, today you're 5.

Well, here we are again.  You see, I have a love hate relationship with time.  I'm sure we all do.  We beg it to speed up when we're waiting for something exciting, and then plead with it to slow down when we're smacked in the face with milestones we're not quite ready to accept.

Like my little 6 lb baby who was too small for newborn clothes, turning 5.  Like, wait, she was just born yesterday?!

F.I.V.E.  It feels so big to me...

I know there are mom's reading this, silently laughing because you just sent your daughter off to college and here I am whining about my baby turning 5.  Trust me, I get it.  I'm sure I'll laugh at all the preschool moms, too, someday.

But today is not that day.

Lara, raising you has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced and at the same time, the thing I'm most proud of in this world.

You feel things so big, daughter.  SO, so big.  From your little sister wearing your dirt stained, purple flip flops, to seeing a microscopic insect 700 yards away, to being told it's time for bed.  To you, these things are the end of the world. The things that upset you these days, you feel them deep within your soul and have the tears to show for it.

But what that also means, is that you love SO, so big.  When we found out the Lord was blessing us with another baby girl, we weren't sure how you'd take it.  But turns out, you may be a better mom to Sadie than I am.  You love your baby sister with your whole heart, and watching you two together is my greatest joy.  My GREATEST joy!

I often hear you talking to her in the morning, convincing her to let you pick out her outfit.  And like any good little sister, she always obliges. You put her in a frilly dress, just like you.  You then patiently help her put on her shoes, buckling them for her because her little fingers still can't maneuver the tiny buckles, and then you proudly bring her into our room to show her off.

She is your real life baby doll, and thankfully Sadie loves every second of it, too.  She looks up to you more than you'll ever know.  She loves being in your room, watching you at your big girl vanity brushing your hair.  I'll never forget the morning you fixed her hair for her so it would look just like yours.  That picture will forever be engrained in my heart because I was so proud of you. You welcome her adoration instead of letting it annoy the hell out of you.  Daughter, at times you are wise beyond your years.

You have become so perceptive, watching and observing your surroundings along with listening to every single word that comes out of your father and I's mouth.  Whether we want you to listen or not, YOU ARE.  And man, it makes you HOT when we spell things in front of you.  Remember when I said you feel things "so big," well, us spelling words in front of you ticks your little heart off.  You always want to be in the know and it frustrates you to no end that you can't quite figure out what we're spelling.

My favorite time with you is when you're in a talkative mood, spilling all your secrets you store in your great, big imagination.  Some of my favorite moments are laying next to you in bed while you tell me all about what's going on at school, with your friends, and lately....with your boyfriends.

Yeah, boyfriends. Like, when did that start?

The other day you told me you were going to marry Tucker, the new boy at your school.  Now, whether you've talked to Tucker about this or not, that's still up in the air.  But you could care less, which I adore about you.  You know what you want, and that's that.

The outside world sees you as a timid little girl because it takes you awhile to warm up to people, the complete opposite of myself.  I warm up too easily, which has resulted in my heart being hurt when the person turns out to be not what I expected.  But you, you're a slow burn.  You make people earn your trust and I admire that about you.

You challenge me everyday to see the world differently.  You've taught me patience.  And most of all daughter, you've allowed me to feel a love so deep it knocks the breath out of me at times. I feel it when I look at you and watch the little girl you're becoming right before my eyes.

When I was a little girl, my mom (your grandma!) wrote me a note that I still carry in my wallet today.

"Dear Annie,

I hug you in my heart & pray your journey is peaceful as you go. 

You have to be the greatest daughter any mom could have! 

You truly are my sunshine!

Love you beautiful,

Mom"

To my Lara, my beautiful girl, I pray the same for you.  I will hug you in my heart all the days of my life. Happy 5th birthday, baby!

XOXO,
Mom