Dear Lara, today you're 8.

Where to begin?  Tonight we sat around on the couch talking about the night before you were born, 8 years ago.  It's funny, because as I told the story, all the details came RIGHT back to me as if it happened yesterday...

I remember being absolutely terrified to have a c-section, but with your stubbornness, it was the only safe way to bring you into the world being that you were breech.

Little did I know, that stubbornness would exacerbate over the years to come. 😂 

I can't pretend like it's been easy being your Mom, because it hasn't. You have challenged me EVERY single step of the way, and I'm sure your teenage years will prove to be equally as tough.

BUT, you have taught me more in the past 8 years than I could've learned in a lifetime without a daughter like you.  

However, over the past year you've grown into a softer Lara.  A more loving & empathetic little girl, with a stubborn streak that you're slowly learning to reign. 

You love animals more than most humans and with how society has behaved the last couple of years, I don't blame you. You adore your baby sister, even when she swats you in the face and leaves a bloody scratch above your left eye.  A scratch that's turned into the ever so slight scar you'll likely carry for a lifetime.  You adore that little girl anyway. 

You and Sadie have your spats, but deep down, I know you love her light hearted spirit.  She brings out a child like side of you that most people don't get to see.  Sometimes, when you get home from a day away, you'll both disappear downstairs and play together quietly for an hour or more in your book nook turned Xenos Horse Ranch. 😁

I joke with friends & family that you truly are a better parent than I, and while I laugh it off, deep down I know it's kind of true. You're always watching things unfold around you with an eagle like eye.  Waiting for someone to screw up. Today, Lainey grabbed an antibacterial cleaning spray and had it in her mouth...by the time I realized what was happening, you'd already yanked it out of her hand, shocked that I would put her in danger like that. 😂

While we're polar opposites in most ways, you're the little ying to my yang.  I love our 1:1 time more than you'll ever know.  You open up and talk your little heart out and I get to see how much you're growing into a little lady right before my eyes. You have zero interest in boys and would prefer to grow old with your massive collection of stuffed animals.  You display them every so precise in your bed, ensuring you leave just enough space for you to sleep. You're doing cartwheels and back walkovers everywhere you go, constantly flipping around, more than you actually walk.  

Over this next year, I pray you grow in confidence.  Confidence in who God created YOU to be, Lara Anne. You are strong and stubborn, sure, but you are also full of SO much love & empathy.  I want you to be confident enough to have strength but ALSO show the side of you that's humble & kind.

I know people say their wish is for their daughter to be a "world changer," but I don't.  I already KNOW you're a world changer.  My wish is that God gives your Dad & I the strength to survive parenthood so we can witness the difference you, my girl, will make in this crazy world. 

But seriously, can you go easy on us this next year?

XO,

Mom & Dad 

Dear Sadie, today you're four.

I'd like to say it's a shock that we're here.  That we're celebrating you turning FOUR, but baby girl, you have brought so much light and joy to our lives that'd it'd be impossible to say we haven't loved every single year of your little life. 

Our little makeup queen.

But boy, what a year this has been for you, our sweet Sadie June-bug. We've watched you morph into a little girl and as much as I fight it, I just can't seem to make you stop growing. We talk about this often and you adamantly explain that you HAVE to get bigger. Yesterday when I picked you up from school, you asked me how much you'd grow overnight...because after all, today is your birthday.  

But, I'd be lying if we still don't witness your toddler-esque tantrums from time to time...and when you throw them, it's go big or go home.  You do everything in life FULL of passion.

 

This past Christmas, you finally decided you'd become friends with Santa. I was kind of surprised it took as long as it did because you befriend just about everyone you meet. 

You say the funniest things, and always when we're least expecting it.  The other day, Lara was throwing a fit about something and you looked at me and said, "Mom, she's just living her life. She's just living her life, mom." 

You seem to understand your big sister better than most.  Even though you're complete opposites, you girls are BEST friends.  I can't wait to see what spice Lainey Rose brings to the mix!

You became a big sister a month ago and every time we call you a "big sister," you calmly explain you're not a big sister, you're a MIDDLE sister.  You're proud of that title, "Middle Sister."  

You carry your "piggy" and "washie" everywhere.  EVERYWHERE.  You got this little stuffed piggy at a zoo in North Carolina over a year ago and since then, you've slept with this little piggy every single night. 

Now that Lainey is here and has her own set of washies, I put you in charge of picking out which washie she uses everyday. It's basically a job that was made for you.  You keep them folded in her closet and are truly the "keeper of the washies" around this house. 

You started swimming underwater this past summer, but let's be real.  That actually consisted with you wearing goggles the size of your head and you sticking your face just below the surface for 0.5 seconds only to whip it right out, take a HUGE, deep breath and then do it again....for 0.5 seconds. It was the cutest thing to watch because you were just SO proud of yourself! 

You've always marched to the beat of your own drum, my girl.  And owned every bit of it.  That's what I adore about you the most - your undeniable confidence.  You do you and if someone doesn't like it, you move on.  

Your confidence.  It always amazes me.  This past spring while in Colorado, there was this MASSIVE tubing hill and you hopped on my lap and giggled the ENTIRE way down!  I was secretly terrified because we were flying down this hill at nearly 60 mph and I had my 3 year old on my lap - what mom does that?!?  But you were unphased.  I'll never forget that moment.  Your big sister went down once and was SO mad because it terrified her so much, that she refused to go back down.  Your dad, well he didn't even get on a tube!  

I hope you use your fearlessness to conquer the world, my girl. 

                      

Even the doctor doesn't scare you.  You know you get a sucker and a sticker at the end of each appt, so if it were up to you, you'd go see the doc everyday. 

You have the biggest sweet tooth of the entire family.  I'm convinced you'd live on donuts and smarties if we'd let you. 

Now, you're also the laziest child of our crew and you own that more than I wish you would - haha!  You still wear pull ups at night (because you REFUSE to sleep in panties because that'd require you to get out of bed and go pee in the toilet in the middle of the night).  

I'll probably still be buckling your seatbelt when you're 10 because that requires effort.  You LOVE being taken care of - sometimes a little too much.  I've always called you "my baby," and I think you've taken that to heart and have no intent of letting that title go anytime soon.

You and I have been kindred spirits since you were born because we're basically the same person.  I get you more than I may ever get your sisters...but I also know that will prove challenging for us as you grow up.  

We'll probably fight hard, but Sadie Boo, I hope you know I'll always love you harder. 

You have this wisdom about you that always surprises your dad and I because 99% of the time, you're FULL of silliness.  You love the word poop and say it just about any chance you get so you can then giggle hysterically. 

But then other times, you have the capability to sense pain in others and do everything you can to ease that pain.  When Mommy gets mad about something you've done, within seconds you want to hug it out.  

You love to hug all of us, even little Staggie boy.  What's funny is that it took you a few weeks to warm up to Stag, but ever since, he's been your little buddy.  You adore him and he lets you love all over him all the time - even when it turns to tormenting. 

You pucker up that bottom lip of yours and say "sorry, momma," with those big puppy dog eyes. I mean, you've made it nearly impossible for Dad or I to ever stay mad at you.  

While you love your big sister more than anyone in the world, you're also totally content just chilling by yourself. In fact, you seem to savor the quietness of the house when she's gone and you could just play for hours on end without saying a peep.  

In the weeks since we've brought your little sister home from the hospital, I've watched you become so nurturing, especially to your big teddy bear that's half the size you are.  You bring her into Lainey's nursery and pull out your little sisters blankets.  You make a pallet on the floor for teddy and gently cover her up.  

I then watch you sssshhh her while softly patting her back, but not before reading to her.  You LOVE to read!  You pull out every book from Lainey's bookshelf and make up story after story.  Lately, it's your favorite thing to do and secretly, it's my favorite thing to watch.  

I adore your spirit, my daughter.  In fact, I adore everything about you.  I know that God sent you to OUR family so that we'd always have a dose of joy on even the hardest days.  Your smile, your laughter, your innocence, your feistiness, ALL of you has been one of our GREATEST gifts.  

Sadie June, I'm so blessed that you call me MOM.  

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always.  As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Dear Lara, today you're 6.

 Last night, when we put you to bed and explained you'd be waking up a 6 year old you said, "Mom, I'm just so excited...I don't know how I'm going to fall asleep!"

To most, they'd assume it's because of the big party we'll have in a few hours, or all hte fun presents.  But to you, it's honestly because you're just plain darn happy to be getting OLDER.  You've always been our little wise one, wise beyond your years.  You're shy, you take your time with people & new situations. You listen (when you want to!), and you analyze peoples emotions like no other child I've ever known. 

You want to GROW UP so badly, and sometimes I feel ready....primarily when you're having a melt down in bed because you're "burrito" gets messed up.  I feel the need to explain, because when we look back at this note in 20 years, I'm not sure we'll know what I'm referencing.

See, you started this thing where you like to be tucked in SUPER hard, like every ounce of cover has to be pushed up under your little body like a little cocoon. And if it comes undone in the slightest, all hell breaks loose in our house.

And GOD forbid Daddy fix the burrito, is HAS to be mommy. 

I know we'll laugh about these things someday, but those nights where you start screaming at us downstairs because you need to be re-wrapped in your burrito, I'm nowhere near laughing. ;) 

Your dad and I were talking last night about you turning 6 today, and unlike other years where I don't feel ready, I do this year.  I'm ready for you to come into your own as a little girl & continue maturing into the wise young woman God's made you to be.

This year is a BIG, big year for you, my sweet girl.  You start Kindergarten in a week and become a big sister AGAIN, in November.  So far, you seem to be embracing all the "newness" coming your way, which is something you didn't always welcome.

It shows me how much you're growing up each month that passes.  You're becoming more confident, too.  We just got back from a vacation and you made two new little girlfriends during our time on the beach.  

A couple of years ago, you'd have been too painfully shy to talk to another little girl your age...

You continue to love your little sister with ALL your heart and it makes mine want to burst out of my chest.  Don't get me wrong, y'all fight from time to time and you're little gunslingers, you two.  You hold nothing back.  

But I never worry about your bond because you fight hard and love harder, and as long as that's the case, your dad and I have done our job. 

I have a feeling things will be no different with this new little one joins our family this fall...

My daughter, sometimes when I look at you, your beauty takes my breath away.  I was just talking to Grandma about how I remember her saying that to me when I was a little girl, never understanding the depth of what she meant.

Well, when I look at you, I now know.  

You made me a momma and boy have we learned SO MUCH together these past 6 years. Thank you for showing me patience & grace as you'll aways be the kid we're "learning on," paving the way for your little sisters. 

Lara Anne, our love for you is BIGGER than you'll ever know. 

XO,

Mom