Sunday, May 14, 2017

Love, Mom.

To My Gorgeous Daughters,

Today is Mothers Day.  This morning I opened my beautiful ceramic plate adorned with your purple hand print forming the petals of a painted on flower. Your baby sister's tiny footprints decorated another piece of artwork honoring me. You and your daddy made me the sweetest book, each page decorated with photos of you and I over the past couple years. We colored in your Paw Patrol coloring book, ate breakfast and all rushed off to Church.  After church, we picked out a beautiful tree that Dad planted in our front garden as you ran thru the green octopus sprinkler in the front yard.

This whole day has been spent honoring me.  Thanking me.  But the truth is, you're the one I want to thank.

Before you came into my world, I thought I was so tough.  I drove fast, I drank too much and cursed like a sailor. I never slowed down to soak in the world around me. I was selfish. I judged. And if someone hurt me, I sure as hell didn't forgive.

But then, I became I mom.

I grew you in my womb. I grew and I grew and I grew.  And then one day, at the break of dawn, I laid on an operating table scared to death.  I had my abdomen sliced open, my organs pushed around and then, I heard your cry.  In that moment, my world changed forever.



For the first time in 28 years, I had a purpose so much bigger than my egotistical self.  I had a daughter of my own.  It was now my job to teach you, but little did I know you'd teach me more in these two years than I could ever teach you.

You've taught me the true meaning of love.  Not only how to love you, but how to love others.

You've taught me empathy.

You've taught me patience, boy have you taught me patience.

You've taught me how to be selfless.  

You've taught me how to slow down, to soak in all these moments of joy.

Watching you, in your Paw Patrol hat and sparkly princess sunglasses, run thru the front yard playing in the sprinkler.  Man...these are the moments.  The joy I feel watching you grin from ear to ear is indescribable.

Everyday I spend loving you girls, teaching you, worrying about you, disciplining you, and loving you girls some more.  All in hopes that you'll grow into strong, courageous, brave young women.



But the truth is, I wasn't strong, nor brave....nor courageous before you.

You girls make me strong.

You make me brave

You make me courageous.

Someday, many years from now, you'll think you're so tough.  You'll drive fast, you'll drink too much and curse like a sailor. You'll never slow down to soak in the world around you. You'll be selfish. You'll judge. And if someone hurts you, you sure as hell won't forgive.

But then, you'll fall in love and have babies of your own.  And you'll become soft.  You'll become empathetic.  You'll learn the true meaning selflessness.

You'll do more laundry than you ever could've imagined.

You'll still drink your wine, but just a glass because you're too tired after one to even think of having another.

You'll love deeper.  You won't sweat the small stuff.  You'll forgive.

You'll be more vulnerable than you could've ever imagined. And it'll scare the hell out of you.

And maybe motherhood will break you, as it did me.  You may wake up one day and feel like you've lost your mind.  You may be scared, so so scared.  But honey, you'll be ok.  Because that little girl will give you purpose. She'll give you a reason to keep fighting.  Heck, you'll even be crazy enough to have another!



So while today is all about honoring me, sweetheart, I want to honor you.  You make me better.  You soften my tough edges, you slow me down. Every single solitary day, I thank the Lord for choosing me.  For choosing me to be your mommy.

That in itself is the best gift I'll ever, ever receive.


Love,
Mom

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