To my daughter

December 18th, 2013. The night my life changed forever. The night I began falling in love with you.

I remember so vividly, seeing that faint plus sign appear on the pregnancy test sitting on the bathroom counter. I yelled for your daddy, needing him to confirm that what I saw was true. That your tiny little soul was forming inside of me. It was in this moment that I fell in love with you. 

I remember touching my belly and feeling a sense of love I've never felt before. I have spent everyday since dreaming of feeling you in my arms. Dreaming of looking into your eyes for the first time. Dreaming of kissing the tip of your sweet little nose. It was in these moments that I fell more and more in love with you.

The sound of your heartbeat is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Each time I hear it, I fall more in love with you.

March 8th, 2014.  The first day I got to show you off to the world.  The day people began to notice that I was carrying a little one inside by looking at my tiny little baby bump.  I remember sliding on my very first pair of maternity jeans and when I turned to the side, there you were.  I have never been more proud. 

I'll never forget the first time I looked down and saw my belly shifting around as your little body rolled around inside of me. You became so much more real in that moment. That day, I fell even more in love with you.

April 12th, 2014.  It was a beautiful Saturday morning.  I remember laying in bed, enjoying every little flutter your sweet little body would give me.  Your daddy reached over to rest his hand on my belly, when WHAM!  You took your tiny little foot and whacked him right in the palm.  I have never seen your dad's eyes light up like they did in that moment.  We both fell in love with your feisty little spirit that morning.

As I sit here on the eve of your birth with tears in my eyes, I can't help but wonder how my heart can hold more love for you, little one.  The days to come hold a lot of unknowns.....but one thing is for sure.

I'll love you forever.
I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living.
My baby you'll be.

Our Little Breech Baby

Houston, we have ourselves a bit of a problem. Our little one has decided to set up shop inside my tummy, with her little booty down low and her head directly above my belly button.

That's right, folks. Baby girl is breech and she ain't budging.

Literally.

We started to think we may have an issue at around 35 weeks when she was still booty down at our weekly checkup. Our doc gave us some suggestions for us to try at home to get her to flip on her own. 

Ice on my belly because apparently they do NOT like the cold, and sometimes will move away from it. Didn't work.

Play music down low in hopes she'd move toward it. Nope, not happening.

Lay upside down on an ironing board, hoping physics will do the trick. Nada. Not budging.

We even tried the trifecta.

Ice and music WHILE upside down on the ironing board.

Needless to say, a broken ironing board later, we have ourselves one stubborn little girl.

At our 36 week appt, she still hadn't moved so we scheduled an external version for this past Friday. If you're not sure what this is, it's a technique used by doctors to manually turn the baby from the outside. 

There are a few risks, the main one being an emergency c-section if the baby were to go into distress. Needless to say, all last week was spent preparing to bring our little girl home in the event that she'd not resond well to the procedure. It was quite surreal packing the hospital bag, cleaning the house from top to bottom, packing the diaper bag with little onesies... 

While we were really hoping all would go well and she'd flip with the doctors help, we couldn't help but feel somewhat excited that we may be bringing our baby home!! 

We got checked into a birthing suite Friday morning, gowned up, the nurse put the IV in, pain shots administered and we were ready to go. 

Here's where I'm going to leave out the most detail because honestly, I don't want to terrify any new mommies out there that may have to go thru this experience. If there's anything I've learned along this journey, it's that never are two journeys the same. We all have different bodies, different babies, different uteruses.

What I will say is that I feel like I became a mom that day. People always tell you that part of becoming a parent is the willingness to do anything for that baby, and that could not be more true. 

I want so badly to be able to have her the way my body was intended, labor for as long as it takes and push her out into this world with as less risk as possible. In order to have the option of a vaginal delivery, I had to have this procedure. So, we did.

After about 35-40 minutes, she had only turned about 45 degrees and this little girl was not moving any further. She made that quite clear. She had found a nook right up under my right rib cage and the girl got comfortable, so why move any further? 

After several attempts, my doctor asked if I wanted to keep trying. In that moment, I knew that I could not quit...that I could not give up.  I knew that she would have to make that decision as I was could not make that call on my own. She told me she'd try one last time, which we did, but it unfortunately was unsuccessful. 

Once the nurse and doctors left the room, I broke down in tears. Jon wiped them from my cheeks and said the things I needed to hear right then in that moment. We had done everything we could to try for a vaginal delivery, it was now time to grieve that loss and prepare to deliver our girl via c-section. 

And grieving is what I'm doing now. Some moments are harder than others, but they are all part of this beautiful journey. 

I have always dreamed of becoming a mom surrounded by our amazing parents, holding hands with my husband. Not laying on an operating table with a curtain draped over my stomach. 

But you know what, life doesn't always turn out how you "picture" it. I'm learning that that doesn't mean it's any less beautiful.

What will be beautiful is meeting our baby girl for the first time, kissing her sweet cheeks and feeling her warm little body on my chest, with her daddy right there loving on the both of us, together finally as a family of 3. 

In that moment, who gives a shit how she came out, right? ;) 

We have our 38 week appointment tomorrow afternoon. If she hasn't flipped, we will be scheduling our c-section for next week. 

Our little family would appreciate all the thoughts and prayers you could send our way! Stay tuned.....

A Babymoon, Maternity Photoshoot & Bump Pics!

Here we are, on the eve to the start of my 35th week.  People tell you time flies, and they ain't kiddin'.  It honestly feels surreal to walk into her (almost) complete nursery, sit down in our comfy glider and think that in a few short weeks I'll be rocking my baby girl to sleep in this very spot. 

 

I'm excited.

I'm terrified.

I'm exhausted.

I'm anxious.

I'm growing.

I'm emotional.

 

But most of all, I have to say I am happier than I have ever been in my entire life. 

 

 

A lot has happened over the past couple months since I've posted last, and I really didn't know where to begin because I've gotten so behind.  I figured I'd start ]up by sharing a few of my favorite pictures from our Babymoon to Naples, Florida. 

 

 

 June was also full of our beautiful baby showers! Our little Lara Love sure was CELEBRATED!!
I can't wait to share some photos of those in another post!

 

I have plans to write up a post sharing our maternity photos we captured during our Babymoon, but I figure I'll save that for another week.  I do promise I will share, just not tonight! 

 

....ok, maybe just a few...or more than a few....  ;)

We hired a local photographer I found on Groupon and I could NOT be more thrilled with the final edits!!  I wanted to do my shoot a little earlier in my pregnancy and I'm so thankful we did!
I have been able to incorporate my favorites into her nursery.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Naples was just BEAUTIFUL!!!  Expensive, but beautiful.

I actually came up with the idea of traveling there after reading this beautiful ladies post on
Naples a year or so ago. 

Blue waters, white sand, gorgeous weather.

Done. 

Sold.

  

 

 

 

 

One of the first days we were there, we took this trolley all around to explore and decide where all we wanted to hit up in the days to come.

 

 

We stayed at La Playa Golf & Beach Resort and you'd be CRAZY to not check this place out if you ever plan to vaca to Naples.  The rooms were huge, service was top notch, restaurant was mouth watering amazing, and most of all, the beach access was one of the best!  In fact, when we checked in, they upgraded us to a beach front room for FREE. 

Resort Restaurant

 

We took a sunset cruise on one of our last evenings & we were SO glad we did!

 

 

Toward the end of the cruise, these dolphins started jumping up alongside the boat & were so close they were literally splashing water up onto us!! 

 

 

 

 The last couple days we just took off driving to explore a few islands right near Naples.  We came across this one little restaurant located on Marco Island, about 45 minutes south of where we were staying. 

You literally sat in these adorable Adirondacks while you waited for your food to arrive...WITH your toes in the sandy, cool water. 

Best. Restaurant. EVER.

If you are ever in the area, you have to check it out!!

 

During the trip, we entered our 28th week! 

Which obviously called for a photo op.

;)

 

 



Ok, so I've got you caught up on a few pictures, but still have a few more months worth to share.  For now, I'm going to close.  This mama is quite tired these days!  This whole growing a baby thing is not for the birds.  I have to say, one of the hardest parts of being pregnant for me has been the loss of energy.  I haven't had swelling, haven't had near the weight gain I thought I'd have, not a ton of nausea...but the exhaustion has hit me pretty hard.  I've been forced to slow down, but I still put up a valiant fight.  For instance, last weekend we had quite the humidity here in Kansas City.  I did a lot inside, worked around the house and then forced myself to run to Target.  Needless to say, a couple hours later, I passed out on the couch for over 2 hours.   

Thankfully, Jon has been a total trooper!!
While I really struggle some days with the exhaustion and not being able to do what I used to, he always seems to say just the right thing to cheer me up. He's always the first to remind me that the job I'm working on everyday is so much more important than all the other
silly tasks around the house.

 He does the dishes, laundry, cooks dinner some nights and has even gone to the grocery store for me!

 

I have to say, I think my husbands a pretty amazing wife. 

He's sure giving me a run for my money. ;)

 

Until next time, my loves!