Houston, we have ourselves a bit of a problem. Our little one has decided to set up shop inside my tummy, with her little booty down low and her head directly above my belly button.
That's right, folks. Baby girl is breech and she ain't budging.
We started to think we may have an issue at around 35 weeks when she was still booty down at our weekly checkup. Our doc gave us some suggestions for us to try at home to get her to flip on her own.
Ice on my belly because apparently they do NOT like the cold, and sometimes will move away from it. Didn't work.
Play music down low in hopes she'd move toward it. Nope, not happening.
Lay upside down on an ironing board, hoping physics will do the trick. Nada. Not budging.
We even tried the trifecta.
Ice and music WHILE upside down on the ironing board.
Needless to say, a broken ironing board later, we have ourselves one stubborn little girl.
At our 36 week appt, she still hadn't moved so we scheduled an external version for this past Friday. If you're not sure what this is, it's a technique used by doctors to manually turn the baby from the outside.
There are a few risks, the main one being an emergency c-section if the baby were to go into distress. Needless to say, all last week was spent preparing to bring our little girl home in the event that she'd not resond well to the procedure. It was quite surreal packing the hospital bag, cleaning the house from top to bottom, packing the diaper bag with little onesies...
While we were really hoping all would go well and she'd flip with the doctors help, we couldn't help but feel somewhat excited that we may be bringing our baby home!!
We got checked into a birthing suite Friday morning, gowned up, the nurse put the IV in, pain shots administered and we were ready to go.
Here's where I'm going to leave out the most detail because honestly, I don't want to terrify any new mommies out there that may have to go thru this experience. If there's anything I've learned along this journey, it's that never are two journeys the same. We all have different bodies, different babies, different uteruses.
What I will say is that I feel like I became a mom that day. People always tell you that part of becoming a parent is the willingness to do anything for that baby, and that could not be more true.
I want so badly to be able to have her the way my body was intended, labor for as long as it takes and push her out into this world with as less risk as possible. In order to have the option of a vaginal delivery, I had to have this procedure. So, we did.
After about 35-40 minutes, she had only turned about 45 degrees and this little girl was not moving any further. She made that quite clear. She had found a nook right up under my right rib cage and the girl got comfortable, so why move any further?
After several attempts, my doctor asked if I wanted to keep trying. In that moment, I knew that I could not quit...that I could not give up. I knew that she would have to make that decision as I was could not make that call on my own. She told me she'd try one last time, which we did, but it unfortunately was unsuccessful.
Once the nurse and doctors left the room, I broke down in tears. Jon wiped them from my cheeks and said the things I needed to hear right then in that moment. We had done everything we could to try for a vaginal delivery, it was now time to grieve that loss and prepare to deliver our girl via c-section.
And grieving is what I'm doing now. Some moments are harder than others, but they are all part of this beautiful journey.
I have always dreamed of becoming a mom surrounded by our amazing parents, holding hands with my husband. Not laying on an operating table with a curtain draped over my stomach.
But you know what, life doesn't always turn out how you "picture" it. I'm learning that that doesn't mean it's any less beautiful.
What will be beautiful is meeting our baby girl for the first time, kissing her sweet cheeks and feeling her warm little body on my chest, with her daddy right there loving on the both of us, together finally as a family of 3.
In that moment, who gives a shit how she came out, right? ;)
We have our 38 week appointment tomorrow afternoon. If she hasn't flipped, we will be scheduling our c-section for next week.
Our little family would appreciate all the thoughts and prayers you could send our way! Stay tuned.....