Tonight, I rocked my one year old to sleep for the very last time. I treasure those quiet moments, holding you on my chest, with your legs now dangling down over the side of the chair. Every night I ask you, "what should mommy sing tonight?" In true Lara fashion, you're typically quite decisive with, "Sunshine!" But lately, you spend a few moments pondering between ABC's, Row Row, Twinkle Twinkle, you name it. Tonight I suggested Happy Birthday, and you were very excited about that! We've been singing it all weekend, so I wasn't surprised it was your bedtime song of choice. I rocked you gently for a long time, as you clung onto your huge plastic horse you got at your party Friday night. You insisted it be a part of your bedtime routine tonight, sitting on your chest as we changed your diaper, rocking with us and of course, I tucked you in while you clung onto your horsie ever so tight.
Tomorrow, you'll wake up a two year old....
I remember so vividly, two years ago tonight, the anticipation I felt knowing I would be meeting you the following morning. I was so in love with you long before I laid eyes on your sweet, chubby cheeks. Little did I know, my love for you would deepen every single day that I wake up as your mommy.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank the LORD for choosing me to be your mommy. He knew exactly what he was doing when he placed you in my womb to grow. I never thought I would be blessed with my very own daughter, so when I found out you were a precious little girl, my heart exploded.
Watching you with your daddy is truly a gift from God, a gift I never experienced. Your grandpa went to heaven 19 years ago. I know he beams down from heaven everyday, watching me as a mother, watching his granddaughter grow up. Seeing you with your daddy reminds me how my father must've felt about me....a love I never grew to comprehend because he was gone too soon. The love I get to see in your daddy's eyes is one of my most favorite parts of being a mom. It's a gift from God, really.
As you continue to grow up, I watch you become more and more independent. Fiercely independent, really. I love your strong will, just as long as it doesn't involve you throwing spaghetti all over the kitchen walls. Boy, was I mad at you that evening! But you, in all your adorableness, cause the anger to drift away the moment you crawl up onto the couch to sit next to Mommy. You point out all my freckles, insisting they're boo boo's. Boo boo's that are in dire need of a princess band-aid, STAT!
You're my little buddy, you know. My best bud in the whole wide world.
Tonight you helped me clean out your baby sisters room to prepare for her arrival. I often worry about how I'm going to love this next little girl the way I love you. I worry about how your going to feel, watching mommy with another baby. I have loved these past two years, showering you with all of our love and attention. Soaking in every second of every day with just you. I hope you always know how fiercely you are loved, even when you're no longer our only baby.
You're going to be the best big sister; her protector, her teacher, her best friend, her shoulder to cry on, her matron of honor, and by her side as you both become Mommies. I can't wait to watch your love for one another grow.
But no matter what, I hope you always know that though you're her big sister....you'll always be our little baby girl that changed our world, first.
Thanks for being our "test run." We owe ya one, kid.