Friday, March 15, 2013

Couples who have more sex.

Thank you to all who weighed in on my "Women in the Workplace" post last Friday.  I loved your feedback & most of all, I loved hearing how you all can relate.  I've been tossing around lots of thoughts about my career & where I'm going, hence why this article (and book) struck such a cord with me. And based on your feedback, it sounds like it struck a cord with you all as well.
Last week I asked myself if I sat at the table in my own career, or did I sit off to the side, watching my career from afar.  You can read last weeks post here.
In the article, Sheryl breaks things down into four of what she calls success secrets.  Today, let's delve into part two, and folks, this one's a doozie:  Make Your Partner a Real Partner.
Raise your hand if you've always had the impression that women at the top, women who are CEO's are likely single & without kids?  I mean, how the hell else would they have all that time to dedicate to furthering their career?
Well, if your hand is up (like mine), you're wrong.
Sheryl believes that choosing your life partner is one of the single most important decisions we'll make not only for ourselves but also our careers.
"Of the 28 women who have served as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, 26 were married, 1 was divorced, and only 1 had never married.  Many of the CEOs said they "could not have succeeded without the support of their husbands, helping with the children, the household chores, and showing a willingness to move."
Jon & I have been married for about 2 years now and we still talk about some of the things we learned in premarital counseling.  One thing that resonated with me was that out of the 7 things couples most often argue about, household responsibilities was at the top.  At the time of the course, I had already begun resenting Jon for not helping out more around the house. 
I would not only cook dinner, but clean up, do the dishes, along with all the laundry, make the bed every morning, and all the tidying that goes into living with a slob.  Sorry hun, I love you, but you do lay your socks all over the house.  One thing that was suggested was to make a list of who would do what when it came to chores; split it up.  And boy oh boy did that make a difference!
"When husbands do more housework, wives are less depressed, marital conflicts decrease, and satisfaction rises."
As much as I've complained about Jon's lack of involvement in the housework, he's come a long way in our 5 years together.  And luckily, it appears that our generation of men (20's & 30's) are in fact coming around to the concept of teamwork in the home.
"A survey asking participants to rate the importance of various job characteristics found that men in their 40s most frequently selected "work that challenges me" as very important, while men in their 20's and 30's most frequently selected having a job with a schedule that "allows me to spend time with my family."
How cool is that!?!  I don't think I've ever mentioned that Jon is the Director of Golf at a gorgeous golf course here in town.  With the weather finally getting nice around these parts, he could play a round of golf everyday when he gets off work, and honestly, I don't mind.

And hey, I also don't mind looking at 'em when he gets home all dressed in his snazzy golf attire. 
But you know what really turns me on? 
Those days he skips the golf to get home to me. 
These next couple paragraphs may be controversial to some, but I really believe in what she has to say, so bear with me.
"When women work outside the home and share breadwinning duties, couples are more likely to stay together.  In fact, the risk of divorce reduces by about half when a wife earns half the income and a husband does half the housework."
Now, I realize some women are called to stay at home & raise their children.  I believe wholeheartedly that the job of being a full time mommy is frickin' HARD.  For some marriages, that works.  Being that we do not have any kiddos yet, I'm not going to delve into this too deep.
What I will speak to is my own marriage.  It would drive me crazy if Jon lost his job and didn't get his ass right back out there to find a new one.  Are we somewhat financially sound.  Yes.  However, I believe WHOLE HEARTEDLY in being a team.  I would resent getting up to go to work every morning if Jon wasn't.  Period.
I believe in sharing responsibilities & thankfully, Jon does as well.  There are some night that our jobs run late into the evening.  I may not have time to get home, cut up veggies, cook some pasta & put together dinner. And on those nights, I'm extremely thankful I have a husband that will. 
And if I'm really lucky, he'll do the dishes as well.  And quite honestly, that's better than porn.

"Couples who share domestic responsibilities have more sex.  It may be counterintuitive, but the best way for a man to make a pass at his wife, might be to do the dishes."
Amen, sister.
In closing, I'm sure we can all attest to the fact that we as women haven't always made the best decisions when it comes to the guys we've shacked up with over the years.  So, to all my readers that are still fishing thru the sea of wonderful men out there, I've got some advice.  Date the sexy boys, the ones who look good in baseball pants, the ones who enjoy fist pumping at the bar....but DON'T MARRY THEM. 
They may be good in bed....but are they going to help you
I'd love for you to weigh in.
 Do you believe having a good partner is
crucial to your career success?



Great post! I can speak from experience as a wife and mom who also has a full time job. My husband and I have always said that our relationship is 50/50. What I mean is if I cook dinner, he washes the dishes, if I fold the laundry he puts it up, and so on. It's worked for the past 9 years for us. Sometimes we both get slack or we compromise, but that's what marriage is all about. Compromise. I feel that if I was at home and not working that my duties as a housewife would be to do all the chores since he is bringing home the bacon. I hate household chores and I am glad that we share those duties, even our kid asks to help! Great post girl!

Casey said...

I wholeheartedly agree. I know for a FACT that I probably never would have made it through law school (while working full time) if it weren't for my husband. No way. I don't know if being a stay at home mom would ever work for us, for the same reasons you mentioned above. Although I'm not judging/calling any shots yet b/c we don't have kids. BUT. While I studied for the bar, I didn't work (and I'm still not yet until we get this move under my belt), but I HATE it. Eric is super and all, "We're married...everything is ours together." But I just can't get over it! For example, I feel like I'm buying Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, etc. for him....with HIS money. Weird. Anywho, good partner = ABSOLUTELY essential to my career. The end. Great post.

Megan said...

I totally agree. My husband and I both work and split household work. He loves cooking, I love laundry. We don't have kids, but I'm not sure I would like staying home. I know that's a full time job, but I love my job and what I accomplish in my career. My husband and I joke if we have kids he will stay home and I'll be the breadwinner. It's nice to have that option. But it's even nicer to know we make a good team and communicate well and make it work!

Helene said...

oh love this post!! yes, i think husbands/boyfriends whatever should help. they are your "partner" after all!

SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph said...

Yes yes yes amen yes agree.

Partner means partner. Everywhere. Even with the dirty chores.

Jessica Grace Fitness said...

I have some new friends who are married, and 5 out of the 6 of the wives don't work! I joked with my boyfriend and said "why don't you hurry up and marry me so I can quit"...quickly realizing that he is a total no-go with that! I believe his exact words were, "no, you'll still want all these nice things and have no money to give to it." Haha...But he's right, I do want nice things and I want to be able to buy them for myself. Not depend on a man. If I didn't have a job I would be so unfulfilled, and lonely. Very good post!!

Sarah said...

Again, LOVE this. And I think it's 100% true! It is so important to lay out these chores and divide them up. It's almost important (at least in our house) to ask for help when you're feeling overwhelmed. There's been time when I feel like I'm up to my eyeballs in stuff and the hubs is more than willing to help out, I just have to ask and remember he can't read my mind.

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