Monday, November 17, 2014

I hate this post.

I'm nauseas just sitting here beginning to type.  It's my last "official" day of maternity leave.
I go back part time for a couple weeks starting tomorrow.  I'll go back full time on December 1st. 

Right now, it feels like a part of my world is ending. 
I feel somber.
I feel anxious. 
I feel sick. 
I feel sad. 

I have loved every second of these past 93 days.
It's been 93 days since my little girl was born!
93 days of pajamas & coffee to the sound of her sweet little baby coo's watching her kick away on her playmat.

93 days full of picture taking so not to miss one facial expression.

93 days of doing absolutely nothing but enjoying every ounce of my beautiful baby. 
I know every single mother can relate to the emotions I'm feeling right now.
I know I'm not alone in the dread that comes as this day inches closer.
But unfortunately, that doesn't make it suck any less.

In fact, I just took my hands off the keyboard to pop my knuckles out of nervousness.
While I'm sick about what's to come, I also know I'm meant to go back to work.

I know some will not understand what I mean by that, and that's ok.
While I'm somber, anxious, sick and sad.
I'm also excited but anxious....and ready but not.
I want to give my daughter the world.
And I don't mean financially.
I mean by giving her the experience of relationships & growth.
I know it's good for her.
And that's what matters more to me than anything else.
 While it's good for Lara, it's also good for me.
It's good for me as a mother, it's good for me as a wife.

I commend all mothers who choose to stay at home with their children. 
I honestly believe in my core, that being a stay at home mom is the hardest job of all
It's tough. It's relentless.  There are no lunch breaks. 

And no, mascara is just not going to happen most days.
But while it's hard, it's also the most beautiful job of all.
You get to be your child's one and only.
And for some families, that's exactly how it should be.
Just not for my family.

While I will hate every second of dropping her off at daycare, I will love seeing her interact with all her new baby friends.  I will love picking her up and getting her adorable turkey picture she made out of her handprints.  I will love getting home & proudly hanging it up on our fridge.
Ya, my daughter made that!

  And most of all, I will LOVE seeing her cute little grin when mommy & daddy show up
at the end of each day.
Sure, it'll sting from time to time. It'll probably sting like hell.
 But her happiness is what brings me happiness.


So tell me, any survival tips from when you all braved the return to work?????


Erin @ Happily Obsessed said...

Ugh, my heart aches for you, no seriously aches!! I bawled like a big baby the first week, every.single.time. That said, I think going back part time to begin with is the way to do it. That's how I did it, so obviously it's the best way!! It will get easier day by day but it will always suck.

It's so much easier that Maverick loves his sitter and his little friends. He gets excited every day when we show up to see them. And the excitement that boy has when Mommy gets home is heart melting. He crawls as fast as he can, yelling "mamamama" over the mound of legos, dump truck and our dog to get me and doesn't let go for an hour.

Hugs friend!! I agree that a SAHM is the hardest job ever. I was home alone all weekend with Mav and thought OMG #1 how do single parents do it and #2 I am kinda glad I work. Honest Mom moment right there.

PS Is this the longest comment in history b/c I feel like it is....

PPS After the Thanksgiving madness we are GETTING together. Deal...Deal.

Kelli Herrington said...

I can only imagine how you feel its such a hard thing to leave our sweet baby and go back into the real world. She is a cutie

Melissa {Persnickety Plates} said...

I felt like I had to give her back at the end of my maternity leave. Like my time with her was over. Luckily, my mom watches her & I visit on my lunch hour it was rough again when her bedtime moved from 9 to 8 then to 7 but I try to look at it positively & cherish all the minutes I do get with her. I thought I looked forward to weekends before but now I live for them. Good luck!