Friday, November 14, 2014

I judged.

I used to be one judgmental.....  

I judged the stressed out mom in the bathroom at Target, trying to juggle their diaper bag and wet wipes all while trying not to drop their baby. Why do people do this to themselves? She looks miserable! And mam, can you please move your stroller? I need to use that sink. 

I judged the parents on airplanes. I mean, who the hell would think it was ok to bring a BABY on an airplane. Can't you leave the kid with grandma or something? 

I judged the parents who could never hang out, WITHOUT the kid. Hello, didn't you know this was an adult only get together? 

I judged the parents at restaurants, letting their screaming babies ruin my dinner. You couldn't get a sitter for 2 freakin' hours?

I judged the mom walking around the mall with her bulky stroller. Bless her heart. That most be just terrible, trying to shop with a newborn and all. 

I judged the mom in line at Walmart with her screaming child on the ground, clinging to her leg in the midst of a championship meltdown. Seriously! Why aren't you DOING something to make the kid shut up?

I judged new mommies that had a baby, then overnight it was like nothing else in the world mattered BUT said baby. The incessant photo posting of said baby sleeping, bathing, drooling. Get a life lady.  A life outside your baby. 

Having a child changes you in ways you could never imagine. It opens your eyes to a world you haven't seen before. Before Lara, I had to feel with intent. In had yo remind myself to empathize with others. 

In three short months, becoming a mother has taught me compassion. It's taught me patience. It's taught me how to really love. And I'm sure it's going to teach me a hell of a lot more in the coming years. Honestly, I can't wait. 

I'm now the mom in the Target bathroom  trying to manipulate a massive amount stuff to change one tiny diaper. But caring for my daughter is not something I resent. It's the most fulfilling feeling in the world. 

I'm the mom who's brought my child to adult only get togethers. I now understand that sitters aren't always the easiest thing to come by so at times, if you want to hang with us, we're a package of three. 

We're the parents with the crying baby at the restaurant. While we do have a responsibility to take Lara outside in order to not disturb others, we actually like hanging out with this thing, fussiness and all. So yes we DID bring her to dinner with us. 

I'm the mom with the bulky stroller you just walked by at the mall. And no, it doesn't suck. I'm actually proud to tote around my girl....and the 50 pounds of bulk that comes with her. 

Is Lara screaming hysterically clinging to my leg in the Walmart check out line? No. But there's no doubt in my mind that she will be one of these days. I no longer look at that mom with judgement. I now go up and offer to help carry her bags so she can carry her screaming toddler.

And lastly, I am that new mom that seems to have lost her old self, her previous identity, because I had a baby. Just because I love my baby, doesn't mean I can't love myself at the same time.

But for the sake of being honest, when I look back at aspects of who I was, I'm glad I lost some of my "old self." I now see the world thru the lenses of motherhood. And I kind of dig it.


The Wilson Family said...

Well said Anne -- being a new mom changes you in a lot of ways. But I truly believe they are in ways that are for the best. You start to not sweat the small things and really start understanding to cherish every second you get with loved ones and friends. Thank you for writing this.

Kait said...

I really loved this post. Your previous self is SO ME. I recently sat on a 16 hour flight with a child behind me who screamed the entire flight. By hour 13 I asked the mother to please try to walk around the plane with her child, because I paid just as much for my seat as she did for hers. I was PISSED, but mostly exhausted with no compassion. I hope one day I will find some!