Two weeks from today, my life will change. No, I won't be having a baby....THANK THE LORD. However, to me, this is equally as life altering. I'm getting my breast reduction.
I've realized as the weeks have passed leading up to the surgery, I've gone thru somewhat of a (happy) grieving process. I'm assuming this is normal...doesn't that always make us feel better? Ha.
Stage One: Denial
No way am I actually going to do this. Anne, you're crazy. This is a major surgery. Just drop it. Your knockers aren't that big. Move on.
Stage Two: Anger
Trying on clothes or swimsuits, or just about anything makes me feel extremely angry at times. If I can't find a XXXXXXXXXXL top, I may as well not even try it on. Swimsuits, oh boy. Dream on, Anne. This process pisses me the hell off.
Stage Three: Bargaining
I've noticed this stage more than ever this past week. I've been looking in the mirror, telling myself that they're not that large. That I'm being mellow dramatic in thinking I need this surgery. Anne, you're crazy for doing this surgery! Your boobs are great! The part where I know I've lost it....is when I look at my 36G's and tell myself, "they're actually kind of small and perky!" Couldn't be more FAR from the truth. I've lost my frickin' mind this week!
Stage Four: Depression
Since I scheduled the surgery, I've had this intuition that the drive home from the hospital and the few days after will be emotional for me. Yes, I want this surgery. Yes, my husband and friends and family will be there to support me. However, i'm still removing a part of myself. A part of my womanhood. When the finality sets in, I think it will be tough. However, I know I'll be so THANKFUL when all is said and done. I think.
Stage Five: Acceptance
This part is the part I've been dreaming of! I can't wait to be able to live a normal life. To not put on swimsuits and look like a hooker in every single one due to the massive amount of cleavage. To be able to run without feeling like I'm going to get knocked out every step I take. To be able to lay down without immense back pain. And the main thing I'm looking forward to is feeling more confident....day in and day out.
I'm a confident person by nature. I believe in myself & am proud of who I've become....all thanks to my amazing mother. She raised us to feel this way.
However, living life with 36G size breasts can be tough. As a defense mechanism, I crack jokes about them before everyone else can. Hey, we might as well get it out there and talk about how abnormally large they are now. And let's move on. I'll beat you to it!
I've accepted that this NEEDS to happen and somedays I feel more excited than anxious. However as of late, it's been more anxious. I can't wait to feel as if a weight has been lifted (literally). And know that this was all worth it.
Bring. it. on. anesthesia. I'm ready!